News, Events & Weather

When supermarket caramel apples are killing people across the nation, it must be illustrated. When a Venezuelan woman stuffs 3.7 lbs of cocaine in her implants and tries to get through airport security, it must be illustrated. When McDonald's in Japan experiences a french fry crisis, it must be illustrated. And when it drizzles in LA and there are flash flood warnings, yes, it must be illustrated.

Be careful, everyone! There are killer caramel candy apples on the loose and they want to get you! The CDC reported that commercially produced apples are the source of the outbreak that left five people dead.

According to today's news, a 43-year old Venezuelan woman was arrested in an airport in Spain for having 3.7 lbs of cocaine in her implants!  Apparently, security noticed her acting strange and the lumpy, irregular boobs didn't help either! After a complete search, they discovered the drugs.

Now those are what they call "fun bags"!

Uh oh! Apparently McDonald's in Japan has a french fry shortage. This is serious, people.

Manspreading - don't let this happen to you

Manspreading - don't let this happen to you

Did we really need a third installment?

Did we really need a third installment?

Superbug wants to kill you.

Superbug wants to kill you.

First there were space cowboys, now we'll have space whisky! Suntory Distilleries is sending a few bottles to analyze what zero gravity has on the aging process.

First there were space cowboys, now we'll have space whisky! Suntory Distilleries is sending a few bottles to analyze what zero gravity has on the aging process.

Cecil may be gone, but we still have his brother, Jericho

Cecil may be gone, but we still have his brother, Jericho

El Chapo escapes!

El Chapo escapes!

The ouija board is so passé! The latest craze that has kids scaring themselves shitless is a pencil game called, 'Charlie, Charlie' and is a traditional Mexican ritual that youngsters play.

The ouija board is so passé! The latest craze that has kids scaring themselves shitless is a pencil game called, 'Charlie, Charlie' and is a traditional Mexican ritual that youngsters play.

An alarming trend of Guyliner is on the rise. Fellas, don't let this happen to you.

Let's put on silly hats, drink Mint Juleps and watch tiny men on horses. It's the Kentucky Derby

Let's put on silly hats, drink Mint Juleps and watch tiny men on horses. It's the Kentucky Derby

Did you know that facekinis are all the rage on Chinese beaches? They not only protect the face from sun and sand, but also jellyfish! Surprisingly, these colorful face masks give middle-aged women self confidence! Go figure.

The fish are real mean in Argentina.

Hurricanes Iselle and Julio are coming to eat all the hula dancers in Hawaii. Girls, hold on tight to your grass skirts!

The Spring Equinox is here! Time for new beginnings and singing birds!

Dig in, it's National Pancake Day!

Rain in LA = catastrophe! Here's the flash flood alert: Do not attempt to cross swiftly flowing waters or waters of unknown depth by foot or by automobile. I say it's just a puddle...

Dia De Los Muertos

Dia De Los Muertos

Earthquakes love California.

Today is National Donut Day! And guess where those tasty treats go? You got it... straight to your love muffins!

Today is April 15 -- tax day, which means it's time to pay Uncle Asshole!

From the headlines: "I smoke weed and I'm a good person."

Hooray for National Moldy Cheese Day!

C'mon! Go out and vote!

Today is the 13th anniversary of 911 and a day every American will never forget. My thoughts are with all the people that lost someone they loved that day.

Goodbye, Summer. Hello, Fall.

Happy Columbus Day! Now go buy a used car!

Happy Halloween from the original Killers, Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees.

MLK Day

MLK Day

Sucks to be an Ashley Madison customer

Sucks to be an Ashley Madison customer

Floyd Mayweather vs Manny Pacquiao - this is one expensive fight!

Floyd Mayweather vs Manny Pacquiao - this is one expensive fight!

Granny hair trend

Granny hair trend

Cuban cigars are happy they no longer have to be smuggled in embarrassing places.

Tourists are flocking to Turkey for lush facial hair transplants. Apparently beards are hard to grow themselves in the U.S.

Tourists are flocking to Turkey for lush facial hair transplants. Apparently beards are hard to grow themselves in the U.S.

Hold on to your long johns! The Polar Vortex is back and he brought his fat cousin from Denver.

National Cheeseburger Day!

Uh oh! My black cat just spilled the salt while dancing with an umbrella indoors in front of a broken mirror! Happy Friday the 13th!

It's Thanksgiving, which means we give thanks for dancing turkeys.

There's been a heatwave in Los Angeles. What a scorcher... even my thermostat is sweating!

It is with a heavy heart that I share this announcement. After 40 years together, I have decided to consciously uncouple with my life partner, my best friend, my rock, Nutella. Though we’ve shared many wonderful years together, we are no longer good for each other. We will remain friends and see each other on special occasions, but we will no longer co-habitate under the same roof.

It's Springtime and even the flowers are dancing

Irwindale hates Sriracha... but the chickens love this stuff.

Did you know it's International Clitoris Awareness Week!? Go on and enjoy your lovely lady bit!

Happy Earth Day, man! This earth is wearing Birkenstocks and would like you to now go plant a tree!

The white pants are out in full force this weekend! Ladies, celebrate with your pants while you can! Happy Labor Day weekend!

Rabbi Schmuley wishes you a Happy Hanukkah, no matter which way you spell it.

Rabbi Schmuley wishes you a Happy Hanukkah, no matter which way you spell it.

Remind me never to go to Green Bank, West Virgina, where cell phones are banned and even microwaves are frowned upon

Remind me never to go to Green Bank, West Virgina, where cell phones are banned and even microwaves are frowned upon